When the Going Gets Weird, the Weird Turn Pro — HST
Looks like I’m pissing in the yard tonight.
Apparently, fox urine is good for getting rid of gophers. Unfortunately, fox urine costs a ton, whereas my piss is pretty much free from the tap. So tonight, after the old lady across the alley is asleep, I’m spritzing the weeds.
Idiotic? Sure, idiotic like a fox! Yes, I’m ashamed of that joke, but you’d have said it too if you had thought it up.
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Can it get much better than this? A state trooper throws away some pain pills and looks the other way in exchange for a blow job from a porn star. Ok, so far it seems reasonable enough. But wait, the trooper gets in trouble! WTF? He’s out there every day, risking life and limb to make our lives safer, and we’re going to begrudge him a little roadside hummer? Oh wait, he got in trouble for using his department-issued laptop to view her website, not the blow job. Nevermind then; he should rot in hell.
By the way, here is her blog. She sounds like a delightful girl; one you would take home to mom, only if mom had a huge life insurance policy.
UPDATE: Let’s have a moment of silence for Barbie’s blog.
Mark this day as the official death of journalistic integrity. I’m not usually one to comment on garbage like this, but I can’t sit idly by. Seriously, what the hell? I’m really trying here, but I can’t wrap my mind around a scenario in which Lindsay Lohan is hotter than everyone else in the top 10. She was never anything to write home about, and her rack has been AWOL since ‘05. Meanwhile, Jessica Alba’s skeleton beat out Jessica Biel Christina Aguilera, and Scarlett Johansson for second place. Biel’s ass could take on Alba singlehandedly. Speaking of singlehandedly, that’s how I’d be typing right now if that scenario came true.
Could we please get Congress to hold some hearings or something? There must be some unusual betting patterns in Vegas we could investigate. Are any of Maxim’s editors missing any of their fingers, or maybe family members?
If it wasn’t rigged, then we have to chalk it up to incompetence, a possibility far too frightening to consider. If we can’t rely on Maxim Magazine to give us a realistic hot list, what hope do we have of expecting anyone else in the world to do their job well? What about those with hard jobs? We’re clearly decades away from being able to realistically handle airport security, brain surgery, or garbage collection. Chalk up a victory for the terrorists.
On a related note, I finally understand all this ruckus over Katherine Heigl.
This is bad.
People who have had more than five oral-sex partners in their lifetime are 250% more likely to have throat cancer than those who do not have oral sex, a new study suggests.
Just freakin’ great. Now I’ve got THAT to contend with.
First, a little background: I was a comic book geek. I spent a good portion of my prepubesence reading, pawing over, and coveting the tri-colored accounts of modern mythology. See, that’s totally what a comic book geek would say. For what it’s worth, I was also a baseball card geek and a Star Wars geek, but not a Star Trek geek. Not until college, at least. However, all that’s really germane to the topic at hand is that I loves me some Marvelly goodness. So when a superhero movie comes out, The Boy and I are there. We’ve watched them all, from the good (X-Men), to the great (Spiderman 2), to the horrific (Ghost Rider). Spiderman 3 was no exception.
