My Diseased Mind

Maxim’s Hot 100 List

Mark this day as the official death of journalistic integrity. I’m not usually one to comment on garbage like this, but I can’t sit idly by. Seriously, what the hell? I’m really trying here, but I can’t wrap my mind around a scenario in which Lindsay Lohan is hotter than everyone else in the top 10. She was never anything to write home about, and her rack has been AWOL since ‘05. Meanwhile, Jessica Alba’s skeleton beat out Jessica Biel Christina Aguilera, and Scarlett Johansson for second place. Biel’s ass could take on Alba singlehandedly. Speaking of singlehandedly, that’s how I’d be typing right now if that scenario came true.

Could we please get Congress to hold some hearings or something? There must be some unusual betting patterns in Vegas we could investigate. Are any of Maxim’s editors missing any of their fingers, or maybe family members?

If it wasn’t rigged, then we have to chalk it up to incompetence, a possibility far too frightening to consider. If we can’t rely on Maxim Magazine to give us a realistic hot list, what hope do we have of expecting anyone else in the world to do their job well? What about those with hard jobs? We’re clearly decades away from being able to realistically handle airport security, brain surgery, or garbage collection. Chalk up a victory for the terrorists.

On a related note, I finally understand all this ruckus over Katherine Heigl.