My Diseased Mind

Ho. Lee. Crap.

Ok, let’s see what’s in the News.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.
She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: “That’s yours.”

Ok, looks like nothing much going o….. wait. What in holy hell?

In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and “pulled hard”.
He added: “That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain.”

Let’s ignore the fact that he was in his underwear. With his ex-girlfriend. And some friends. I’m having trouble shaking the feeling that we’re witnessing a deleted scene from Kill Bill here.

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones’s testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it.She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.

Now I’m not one to attack someone over an honest mistake in the heat of the moment, but this might be just a tad over the top. Once you’ve ripped the guy’s ball off, let’s go ahead and refrain from popping it in your mouth. It’s not like you’re destroying the evidence; the bleeding, screaming guy on the floor is pretty much a dead giveaway.

Also, I think we probably all know what word he used to set her off. I’m not going to write it here, because, well, I don’t want my balls ripped off, but I think we can all take something away from this episode.

She said: “It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person.”

I’m sure she’s sorry and all, but for at least a tiny moment, she wished him great harm. I can pinpoint that moment to somewhere around the time she had his ball in a death grip, and was forcefully attempting to detach it from his person. There’s also at least one way that she’s a violent person: her tendency toward ball-ripping.

I guess it just goes to show you, someone’s always got it worse than you. Unless you’re that guy.