Susan Tyrrell

Before we watched Night Warning at the Last Night at the Original Alamo Drafthouse, we were introduced to Susan Tyrrell, the star of the film. She was wheeled up on to the stage by Alamo regular David Strong, having lost her legs in 2000 to a rare blood disease. Her artificial legs were ‘tattooed’ with metallic dragons. I can neither confirm nor deny reports that she’s a bionic sex witch, but it wouldn’t surprise me in the least. Initially, she seemed surprised that anyone would want to watch this movie, which she admitted she had never seen. This night was no exception, as she stayed in the lobby “where the booze is!” during the film, returning afterward for more Q&A. She repeatedly attempted escape, at one point throwing her microphone off of the stage. Most of the questions were pretty inane, and her answers were largely evasive or in some cases, unintelligible. However, two questions and answers stuck out:

When asked about ADH favorite and Night Warning co-star Bo Svenson, Susu responded that he was a real bastard, and that his trailer was rocking non-stop because he had a different whore in there every night. I got the impression that this was intended to be a negative portrayal, but it appeared to have the exact opposite impact on how he was viewed by the audience.

At one point, a young boy (probably no older than 9) asked her a question from near the back of the theater. She couldn’t hear him, so he was given a microphone. When she still couldn’t hear him, he proceed to walk up onto the stage and scream into the mic, “So what’s it like being all creepy or whatever?” Susan’s response was to give the kid a lollipop, which he popped into his mouth before sauntering back up to his seat.

Now let’s stop here for a moment. Don’t get me wrong; I enjoyed the hell out of Susu. Given the opportunity, I’d totally nail her. Sure she’s 63, has no legs, and had a 1-year relationship with Hervé Villechaize, but I’d wreck that. Hell, the fact that her legs are detachable is actually one in the ‘for’ column. That all being said, I don’t believe I’d have taken that lollipop at face value. At best, I’d have taken a small taste of it and waited 12 hours before I consumed the rest. I don’t know if bad parenting was a factor, or if the kid was just that hardcore. Probably a little of both. At any rate, I hope he’s ok, and was spared a waking dream more vivid than the trippiest of 1970s album covers. Probably a futile wish, but hey, I’m a dreamer.

In case we need any more proof of the shear awesome that is Susu, I submit Witch’s Egg, from the movie Forbidden Zone. She wrote this song, and we watched this video just prior to Night Warning.

Brrrrrr… witch’s tits…

Forbidden Zone is available on DVD. I’ll buy it and let you know how it is.