My Diseased Mind

Foreign Drivers

This guy and this kid make me feel a little better about our cracked out truck drivers on American interstates.

First, Mr. Stoic:

A Japanese man continued to drive his motorcycle for over a mile after losing his right leg below the knee when he hit the central reservation on a motorway in Hamamatsu, south-west of Tokyo.

Ok, did everyone get that? Here, let me help. HE KNOCKED HIS FUCKING LEG OFF! HE KNOCKED HIS FUCKING LEG OFF! FFS, HE KNOCKED HIS FUCKING LEG OFF! Dude’s just going for a bike ride, and all of a sudden, he’s one of the Crazy 88s in Kill Bill.

Mr Osada noticed the loss of his lower leg when he arrived at a junction 2km from the scene of the accident. Another motorcyclist travelling with him returned to pick up the severed limb.

Here’s where I laugh. He didn’t notice his missing leg until he stopped again. Why did he notice it? Because when he stopped, he probably fell right over. If you could ignore the blood spouting from his stump, you’d totally laugh.

Next we’ve got Colonel Heinrich von Sanders:

A 17-year-old German joyrider faces a legal plucking after provoking the death of 300 chickens by crashing a van into their Kassel abode, Reuters reports.

Now I’ve done some stupid things in my life. In fact, I’ve done a great many stupid things for no better reason than the fact that they would make for a great story after the fact. For that reason, I totally envy this kid.

The unnamed perp apparently took the vehicle from a fairground where he was staying and piled it into the nearby chicken shed containing 1,000 birds. A police spokesman explained: “Apparently some of the chickens were so desperate to get away that they ran into the wall and died. Others suffered heart attacks.”

I’d really like to know who had the enviable job of determining the cause of death for the 300 chickens. You’re going about your day, doing rape kits on pigs, when all of a sudden they haul in a parachute full of chicken carcasses marked “RUSH.” Mondays…