My Diseased Mind

I Apologize For This One

Look, you guys have been good to me; you really have. I haven’t received a single piece of hate mail, any death threats, and the only brick to have been tossed through our windows was apparently meant for The Boy. All of that makes what I’m about to do so much more difficult. I just have to; I can’t shoulder this burden alone. Try not to hold it against me.

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Insulting Haiku

nasty nose hangers
wipe your fucking nose, Jackass
you’re making me retch

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Point/Counterpoint With Joboo

Unedited, typos and all:

Joboo says:
Although some may argue that throwing it across your shoulder is putting it a little to close to the mouth.

M says
I hate to ruin anyone’s opinion of me, but if I could get it to my mouth, I would. That doesn’t make me gay; it makes me lucky.

M says
Oh sure, be that way. Pretend like you would put your own cock in your mouth if you could do it. Luckily for you, we’ll never know.

M says
*wouldn’t.

Joboo says:
Dude, penis in mouth = gay.

M says
Not if it’s yours.

Joboo says:
Yep. Hate to break it to you.

M says
Let’s say you’re eating barbecue with a male friend. You’d lick barbecue sauce off of your fingers, but not his, right?

Joboo says:
Hello. Fingers.

Joboo says:
Not dick.

M says
But if they were HIS fingers, it’d be gay.

Joboo says:
Weird & very possibly gay, but not 100% certain gay.

M says
Nope, it’d be 100% gay.

M says
100% weirdly gay.

M says
Your fingers=not gay.

M says
Putting anything of yours into your mouth isn’t gay. Putting anything of another guy’s is.

M says
Here’s a manlaw commercial I’d really like to see. Mainly because I’m curious as to which side of the issue Bettis comes down on.

Joboo says:
Pretty much, but there are entenuating circumstances.

Joboo says:
If he’s snake bit & you have to suck out the poison, it would be OK to suck on his leg or arm. If he’s bit on the johnson & you suck out the poison, you’re gay.

M says
I agree, but if you’re bored and could suck your own, you’re not gay.

M says
I mean, don’t swallow or anything like that, but dude, it’s a free blowjob.

Joboo says:
And it means your gay.

M says
Nope. Only if you happen to already be gay.

Joboo says:
What does it matter then if you can blow yourself or not? You would already be gay because you’re a tonsil jockey. Which you would be too if you could blow yourself meaning you would be gay.

Joboo says:
Gay gay gay, gay gay gay gay gay, gay, gay gay gay gay gay. Gay!

M says
It’s starting to smell a little bit insecure here.

M says
You don’t gotta be jealous; I can’t reach.

Joboo says:
I can’t help it if you ain’t flexible enough.

M says
If it’s all the same to you, I wasn’t asking for hlep.

M says
*help even.

M says
Thanks though.

Joboo says:
Oh, I think you are. But this cowboy don’t travel that road.

M says
Nope, with another guy is gay.

Joboo says:
You’re just rationalizing your desire to try it out. Don’t do it man.

M says
You’re lumping all cocks into one pile. This one’s my cock. Next you’re gonna tell me that I can’t yank it either.

M says
And those will be fightin’ words.

M says
I was gonna go take a piss, but OH NOS! THERE’S A COCK IN MY HAND!

Joboo says:
Someone is obsessing.

M says
Just proving my point.

Joboo says:
And as far as yanking it goes, I defer to Woody Allen.

M says
You’d let Woody Allen yank your johnson?

M says
Dude, that’s gay.

Joboo says:
Masturbation is just sex with someone I love.

M says
So’s autofellatio!

M says
I’m glad this didn’t get weird.

Joboo says:
Not at all.

Joboo says:
What were we talking about?

Joboo says:
That’s right, baseball.

M says
Sucking our own cocks.

M says
I mean baseball.

Joboo says:
Same thing.

M says
I’m totally watching baseball wrong.

Joboo says:
Who said anything abour watching it?

M says
I see what you did there!

M says
So seriously, do we hug now, or what?

Joboo says:
Not even mentally.

M says
C’mon… hug it out bitch.

Joboo says:
OK. Just let me move my wang out of the way first.

M says
Careful not to get it near your mouth. Or use your hands. Is it OK to use the force? Lucky fuckin’ Jedi.

Joboo says:
Yep. The force would be acceptable hetro behavior.

Joboo says:
Now where’s my robe.

M says
See, now that’s where I take the other argument. Capes and high leather boots? Gay.

Joboo says:
A jedi could wear a leather bustier & butt plug if they want.

Joboo says:
They’re so bad it don’t matter.

M says
Only one smoov lady’s man i nthe galaxy could pull off that look. Lando.

M says
And you heard the way Yoda talks. Such an old queen.

Posted in Joboo | 2 Comments »