Last Minute Costume Ideas
Wednesday, October 31st, 2007Ok, it’s somewhat lame, but I love this guy:
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Archive for October, 2007
Rice
Thursday, October 25th, 2007I like rice. Rice is great if you’re hungry and want 2000 of something.
– Mitch Hedberg
Rice is awesome. Seriously, I like it. Definitely a fan. And in three brief sentences, I’ve said all I’ve really got to say about it. So go check this out. It’s addictive, somewhere between Laffy Taffy and methadone. I’ve managed to get up vocab level 42, and have donated about 7500 grains of rice to the cause of bloating some hungry bellies.
So, uh, does anyone know if I can deduct the time I’ve spent on this?
A Special Message From Arthur Fonzarelli
Thursday, October 18th, 2007We made the kids watch this three times. On the third viewing, we had to pry their eyes open, just like in A Clockwork Orange. It was worth it, though. You can’t put a price on safety.
Couldn’t agree more about the anus.
Texas Means ‘Friendship’
Friday, October 12th, 2007Can’t say this surprises me. We are nothing here if not overly polite.
FORTH WORTH, TX — A Family Dollar clerk in Forth Worth, Texas was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after police said he used a crowbar to club a deaf customer. Cody Goodnight, 30, has been deaf since before the age of 2 and uses sign language to communicate.
I had no idea that they carried crowbars at Family Dollar. I now know where to go for all of my crowbar needs.
When Goodnight tried to pay for two bottles of Sprite with a $5 bill he was assaulted by the store clerk. Investigators said the clerk, 20-year-old Ricky Young told them he thought Goodnight was being rude by not talking to him and hit him in the head with a crowbar.
First, nice job by the reporter to flesh out all the details. I spent 20 minutes re-reading the above paragraph to try and determine exactly why it’s important for us to know that he used a $5 bill. Turns out it’s not. Also, how much do you think The Coca Cola Company paid for the product placement in the deaf guy/crowbar story. I’m guessing low 5 figures. And yeah, the fact that the guy’s name is Goodnight is hilarious. It’s just too easy; I’m not going to make that joke.
However, I will point out that hey, at least Goodnight wasn’t knocked deaf. So hey, glass half full…
Goodnight said he is still scared to return to the store or any other place alone. The clerk faces years in prison if convicted, authorities said.
He’ll eventually get to the point where he’ll go to libraries and tractor pulls (remember, Texas) again, but I think it’s safe to say that here and here are out.
A spokesman for Family Dollar said the store is conducting its own internal investigation into the incident.
Uh oh, the Family Dollar investigators are on it! I hear they’ve almost found Hoffa something like 6 times! That guy is fucked.
At Least We Know He’s Mine
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007Tonight, The Boy showed me a picture that he drew on the back of a notebook. Along with this picture, he had a story.
I drew it during history class while Mr. Scott was on the phone. He was talking to his mom’s doctor. She died. Well, she didn’t die; he’s trying to decide whether or not to pull the plug.
Here is the picture in question:
That’s mah boy!
Human Sacrifice, Dogs & Cats Living Together — Mass Hysteria!
Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007We knew it was going to be an interesting weekend when, within five minutes of arriving in Rockport, we spotted a guy with an actual Jheri Curl. Manda shot down my theory that he was a terrorist who only had weathered VHS copies of The Last Dragon and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo to teach him the ways of American life. Alas, our Jheri Curl count for the weekend stalled out at one, and on Sunday, we headed home.
Being childless for the weekend, we yammered endlessly. Of course, by ‘we’ I mean ‘I.’ Among other things, I pointed out the idiot drivers, wondered aloud just why the hell every cow in or around the coastal bend has a posse of at least 3 ducks, and generally continued my lifelong love affair with the sound of my own voice.
Then, on I-37, just south of Whitsett, I saw it. A 2-mile drive to the next exit, followed by a 2-mile drive back, and we were right there, basking in its glory.
