Texas Means ‘Friendship’

Can’t say this surprises me. We are nothing here if not overly polite.

FORTH WORTH, TX — A Family Dollar clerk in Forth Worth, Texas was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after police said he used a crowbar to club a deaf customer. Cody Goodnight, 30, has been deaf since before the age of 2 and uses sign language to communicate.

I had no idea that they carried crowbars at Family Dollar. I now know where to go for all of my crowbar needs.

When Goodnight tried to pay for two bottles of Sprite with a $5 bill he was assaulted by the store clerk. Investigators said the clerk, 20-year-old Ricky Young told them he thought Goodnight was being rude by not talking to him and hit him in the head with a crowbar.

First, nice job by the reporter to flesh out all the details. I spent 20 minutes re-reading the above paragraph to try and determine exactly why it’s important for us to know that he used a $5 bill. Turns out it’s not. Also, how much do you think The Coca Cola Company paid for the product placement in the deaf guy/crowbar story. I’m guessing low 5 figures. And yeah, the fact that the guy’s name is Goodnight is hilarious. It’s just too easy; I’m not going to make that joke.

However, I will point out that hey, at least Goodnight wasn’t knocked deaf. So hey, glass half full…

Goodnight said he is still scared to return to the store or any other place alone. The clerk faces years in prison if convicted, authorities said.

He’ll eventually get to the point where he’ll go to libraries and tractor pulls (remember, Texas) again, but I think it’s safe to say that here and here are out.

A spokesman for Family Dollar said the store is conducting its own internal investigation into the incident.

Uh oh, the Family Dollar investigators are on it! I hear they’ve almost found Hoffa something like 6 times! That guy is fucked.