… And Now, Back To the Dick Jokes

This is a special message to my new friend in Oman, who found this site by way of typing the words ‘picture how to fuck women’ into Google yesterday. I’m afraid that you probably didn’t find the information you required, so I’m going to take a little time now to try and help you out. Before we get started, we must establish the vocabulary. For our purposes, a penis will from this point on be referred to as Tab P, and a vagina will be referred to as Slot V. Now, let’s get on with the business of getting you up in her business.

The Approach
It is very important to note that during the approach, you should keep Tab P put away. It’s generally considered rude, and at best, probably won’t help your case any. Attempt eye contact. If my knowledge of Oman is up-to-date (it isn’t), the eyes may be the only part of the women that you can see. At this point, your goal is to make her agree to sexual contact. Honestly, do whatever works here. Begging, pleading, bargaining, or cajoling are all on the table.

Once she agrees to engage in the sex with you, you’re ready for…

The Foreplay
Foreplay is a very important and often misunderstood part of the process.

The Execution
This is most mechanical aspect of the fucking of women. In a nutshell:

Insert Tab P into Slot V.
Remove Tab P almost entirely from Slot V.
Re-insert Tab P into Slot V.
Repeat until both are satisfied that the act is completed. Or until you are, whichever comes first. Get it? Comes? Dick jokes, Baby! You will know that you are done when suddenly you feel tremendously happy, followed by tremendously tired.

There are more advanced techniques, but this will serve to get your foot in the door. Note: If you’re putting your foot in the door, you’re doing it wrong. When the time comes, you can ask me about the more advanced techniques, and I’ll go look them up.

You can often tell if you are doing an effective job by listening to the sounds that the woman makes. If she’s moaning, this is usually a good sign. If she’s screaming, it can be an excellent sign, or you may have inserted Tab P into the wrong slot. If she’s grunting, it might be a good idea to take a look around the general area of Slot V, just to make sure that nothing horrific is happening. If she’s sobbing quietly, you should finish up quickly, disengage, and leave. Knowing why she is sobbing will not make you a better lover. In fact, it will most likely hurt matters.

It’s also worth noting that in the case of sexual relations in Oman, there may actually be two executions: this one, and hers a day or two later.

The Aftermath
Dude, you just fucked a woman. That’s it. I’m not here to tell you how to put your pants back on, Douche.