My Diseased Mind

Holding a gun to Santa’s head.

Someday, we’ll address the fact that my posts have been forced to follow a myriad of topics that fall into the ‘tough act to follow’ category.  But I don’t mind.  I relish the challenge like Joey Chestnut relishes a Nathan’s Famous.  And since this is the last Friday before Christmas, it’s time for me to post my ‘If it were only possible’ Christmas list.  The 10 things, in no particular order, that I know won’t come to pass this next year, but I really wish they would.

1. A good sushi restaurant within 30 minutes of my home.  Why is this not possible?  I live in rural Missouri.  Of every 10 people I mention sushi to, 9 will make a joke involving fish bait.
2. Congress & the President work for the actual good of the people instead of their own parties & interests.  Most unlikely thing on the list.
3. Barry Bonds has a body part actually explode.  Most likely thing on the list.
4. Tom Cruise gets caught in bed with Neil Patrick Harris.  Oh we all know it’s going on.  But they hide inside the Scientology complex to leave no shot for the paparazzi.
5. Will Ferrell apologizes for not being funny.  And millions of people realize they’ve been had.
6. Celebrity reality show death match.  My money would be on Gene Simmons to take down Danny Bonaduce in the finals.
7. The Amish Outlaws hit the big time.
8. Scientists combine DNA of Carson & Letterman to create perfect late-night host.  Only if they kept some of Johnny around.
9. Yankees & Red Sox share last place with 0-162 record.  Absolutely impossible, but a glorious thought.
10. You new voice of the Michigan Wolverines, JOBOO!!!   Someday baby, someday.

Tags: Amish Outlaws, Barry Bonds, Christmas, sushi, Tom Cruise