Right Hand Ring Month

I’ve been breathlessly informed via e-mail by Jared Jewelers, that October is Right Hand Ring Month. Bear in mind that I currently owe this company a great deal of money, one of my children (suckers!), 750 hours of community service, a carton of smokes, and 3 goats. According to the thorough skimming I gave this missive in the nanoseconds before I shitcanned it, I’m being encouraged to purchase a diamond ring for Manda’s right hand. Now I don’t want to seem negative, but unless there’s some mechanism by which we could somehow divide her apparently lefty-only ring into two equal rings, then Jared Jewelers can go straight to hell.

I mean that in the best possible way.