I’m going to just go ahead and deflect the inevitable “American Pastime” jokes by pointing out that Matt Stairs is Canadian.

Feel free to commence with the “City of Brotherly Love” jokes.

Now I won’t discuss whether or not it’s worth it for the organization to spend $48 million on a dinged-up outfielder from Japan. Instead, let’s get into his name. It’s [...]]]> If Harry Caray were alive today, this would both delight and horrify him. That’s right, my beloved Cubs have signed Kosuke Fukudome.

Now I won’t discuss whether or not it’s worth it for the organization to spend $48 million on a dinged-up outfielder from Japan. Instead, let’s get into his name. It’s actually pronounced Foo Koo Doe May, but if you think that would have stopped Harry, you clearly had better things to do with your time growing up than I did. At least once a game, we would have been drunkenly informed that Go Sucky Fuck You Do Me is now batting. If Fukudome were to jerk a backdoor slider into the rightfield bleachers for a walk-off home run, we could have seen the Unintentional Comedy perfect storm.

Alas, Harry’s dead, and Fukudome will likely wind up having an elbow ligament replaced before the All Star break. Real life sucks; more Harry.