Book of the Dad « My Diseased Mind

Crocodile Mouth

The boy is artistic. He dabbles in a variety of media, from pen on paper, pen on cardboard, clay, various paints, and most recently, Magnetix. It’s not unusual for him to call me into his room to see his newest masterpiece.

So when he told me that he wanted me to see [...]

Overheard on December 26th

The day after Christmas, The Boy had this conversation with my cousin. Note that this was just over twenty four hours after my mom, in a fit of what can only be described as shitflinging lunacy, presented him with a present of six throwing stars.

Cousin: What did you get for Christmas?
The Boy: [...]

Kindergarten Christmas Programs

Because today was the first day of my Christmas vacation and Manda had to work, I was charged with attending her son’s Christmas program. The conversation went like this:

A: Hey, could you go to Alien’s Christmas program on Friday? It’s during work for me.
M: Sure, that sounds like fun. [...]

Overheard at Dinner

The Boy: Hey Dad, what do you think the coolest thing in the world is?
Me: I don’t know, but it probably has something to do with sharks.
The Boy: Uh, why sharks?
Me: Because they’re pretty freakin’ cool.
Me: How about ninjas riding sharks? Ninjas with lightsabers?
The Boy: Whoa! That [...]

At Least We Know He’s Mine

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Tonight, The Boy showed me a picture that he drew on the back of a notebook. Along with this picture, he had a story.

I drew it during history class while Mr. Scott was on the phone. He was talking to his mom’s doctor. She died. Well, she [...]

Overheard On The Way To Soccer Practice

Today The Boy and I spotted a woman jogging while pushing a baby carriage. I had seen her last week, and strangely, the carriage was empty:

M: Hey, see if she’s got a baby in that carriage.
The Boy: Nope, it’s empty.
M: That’s so creepy. I wonder if her baby’s dead.
The Boy [...]

My Asshole Kid

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Today, as we left the grocery store:

The Boy: Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about women. Show them the pretty face, and they love you. I’m doing better than you, Dad.

Me: Over quite a few more years, I’ve learned quite a bit more about women. The pretty [...]

My Diseased Mind

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