My Diseased Mind » Resolutions http://www.mydiseasedmind.com/blog When the Going Gets Weird, the Weird Turn Pro -- HST Sat, 31 Oct 2009 22:04:33 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 en hourly 1 My New Year’s Resolutions http://www.mydiseasedmind.com/blog/2007/12/31/my-new-years-resolutions/ http://www.mydiseasedmind.com/blog/2007/12/31/my-new-years-resolutions/#comments Tue, 01 Jan 2008 04:20:23 +0000 M http://www.mydiseasedmind.com/blog/2007/12/31/my-new-years-resolutions/ In a fit of originality, I’ve decided to post 10 of my resolutions for the upcoming year. I should probably include something about not using lists to avoid having to really think about what I’m writing, but I just wouldn’t be human if I eliminated all of flaws. I did take the numbers [...]]]> In a fit of originality, I’ve decided to post 10 of my resolutions for the upcoming year. I should probably include something about not using lists to avoid having to really think about what I’m writing, but I just wouldn’t be human if I eliminated all of flaws. I did take the numbers out of the lists, so just think of it as a series of short paragraphs.

Spend More Time With the Kids — If for no other reason than the fact that they will someday choose my nursing home.

Eat Less Dairy, More Fiber — Yeah, fat fucking chance. Let’s move on.

Exercise More — Ditto.

Dance — Ok, that was the last complete bullshit resolution. I promise.

Spend Less Money on Frivolous Things — I’m jumping right on this one, just as soon as I can find a way to categorize porn as something other than frivolous.

Sell My Possessions and Run Away to Mexico — This should probably be more of a 5-year plan, but I’m going to give it my best shot.

Eliminate Credit Card Debt — Yeah, hilarious…

Leave the Country at Least Once — Ideally, I won’t be leaving under a cloud of suspicion, unable to return. If that’s the only way it will happen, though, I’m cool with it. I hear Roman Polanski is free–just not free to come back.

No More Resolutions — This is how you can tell that I’m an idiot. If I had any sense, this would have been the first one.

Happy New Year everyone. Try and make it home safely tonight.

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