My Diseased Mind

Hey Joboo, do you remember

• When we hired CC, who looked like Groundskeeper Willie and whose son looked like Hans from The ‘burbs? That was awesome.
• The Christmas party in Indiana? They flew us in, and I was happily buzzed by the time we touched down. You gave me your drink tickets, and I got the pilots’ as well. We held court at our table, and the husband of a fellow employee said that I looked like George Clooney. For the flight down, I was up 100 bucks in the blackjack game. I may have broken even for the whole trip.
• My first ever speeding ticket on a different trip to Indiana? Fortunately the cop laughed when I told him I was pretty sure you’re supposed to drive the hell out of a rental.
• Penny hanging up on you because you called her an idiot? Or responding to AF when she asked if she was getting fired with, “We’ll talk about it later.” By the way, I’m certain Penny’s modeling career took off.
• The client who died in St. Louis over July 4th weekend one year? Nice enough guy, but we were more pissed that we would have to re-train someone else on their balky printer.
• Tapeball? How many different rulesets did we create with that? How awesome was it when we had a cardboard tube to use as a bat? How many people in our building did we piss off? You know what? Screw them. It’s been nearly 10 years now, and they don’t care anymore, while we’ve got some awesome memories and records.
• The day you identified for me the next candidate for the department’s molester? It occurred to us simultaneously that it would be our third. Wow.
• The night we worked late, and when you got home, there were flowers. Your daughter cheerfully told you that they were for your wife, from her boss. For her birthday. That you had forgotten. Seems like you wound up taking a weekend trip a few days later to make up for it
• Liquor? I hardly know her! Our own version of “that’s what she said.” Moisturizer? Fertilizer? Butter?
• The time I had a room named after me at the Stockyard Steakhouse in Nashville? The $700 in bar tabs that AB and I ran up the last night? The origin of Ruff Duff? I miss JB; he was one of the good ones.
• Remember on that same trip to Nashville how I sacrificed a drink to ditch a troll? It was a tough call, but I’d do it again. Plummer? I hardly know her!
• The night we ate sushi, because you couldn’t find anyone else to eat it with you? It didn’t sit well with me, but you were the one who got sick the next day. I credit that to the whiskey I drank later. We experienced the best random pseudo-celebrity sighting ever.
• The frog coffin?
• Seeing the initials MJO in source code, and crying a little on the inside?

I’m sure there’s more. You post them.

I’m not particularly squeamish about most things. I’ve cleaned up puke, changed diapers, and seen various animals slaughtered, cleaned, and converted into food. However, there’s one phrase I really could have gone my whole life without learning.

Mucus Plug

This experience has changed me. I know that I will never be the same. It is my own personal Omaha Beach, as sad as that is. I feel like I’m ready for anything now.

But I’m mainly just ready to not hear that phrase again.